Hi Y'all!
I haven't posted in a while, and I apologize! The last week has been pretty crazy for Exes and Ohs. I realized I needed to stop taking my sweet, precious time in getting my tech packs in. It'll take a month to get my first round of samples in to approve, and then another month after that to get my final samples in. I realized that was putting me getting everything in at the end of June if I get it in now! So, I busted my little (or big) booty and got all tech packs sent in yesterday!
I thought I would have a huge sense of relief after sending in my tech packs, but I had an overwhelming combination of emotions--none of which was relief. I was almost in tears (very happy tears) on my way to the post office, praying, thanking God that because of Him, I am on my way to achieving my dreams. But after I left, other feelings set in. I realized that I'm done with the only part of this process that I know how to do. I'm confident in my design ability, in my flats, and being able to relay what is in my mind onto paper, and into the hands of my patternmaker and sample maker, but I'm not nearly as confident in marketing. I started questioning myself and my sales ability: What if no one likes my designs? What if I don't sell them well? What if I take no for an answer, every time? It made me freak out a little and then made me realize that I hadn't let myself feel any part of this process. I've talked about being excited, nervous, anxious-but until yesterday, I hadn't truly felt any of those feelings.
It reminded me of the other night when I was at my in-laws having some good ole venison that Travis killed. Carson, my brother, was talking about how busy he is with the Pie Bar and we just started talking about when he opened his first one three years ago. He said something that I totally identify with: he had blinders on for the months leading up to opening. He said he just concentrated on the "this week I have to paint, next week I have to buy furniture," type things rather than ever fully realizing the gravity of what he was doing. It made me realize--I've had my blinders on for 4 months. I've gone through the steps--illustrating, picking fabric, making flats, doing spec sheets--but I haven't let everything completely sink in. Honestly, I think it's your mind's way of protecting yourself. I mean, I've had moments of barely thinking about the fact that I'm trying to achieve my dream (like yesterday), and it made me have such a rush of every emotion--it was exhausting. I don't think that anyone could go for their dreams and goals if they felt everything--it's too much. You wouldn't make it past the first step. The process scary, exciting, nerve-wracking, overwhelming, wonderful, maddening, and every emotion in between.
So am I thankful for my blinders? Absolutely. But I'm more thankful for 3 family members that have been through what I'm going through, as well as a mom who's been the backbone of the other 3 businesses. I also couldn't imagine my life without Travis. He has faith in me when I don't have it in myself. He helped me get back on track last night after my momentary freak out about everything. He reminded me that God has blessed me with this opportunity--so if I doubt myself, I'm kind of doubting Him. The Lord is in control of this, and I just need to have faith in that.
Here's a little somethin' to help you if you're having the same type of days I am...
He's always in control. What a blessing.
I'm tellin' you though...Exes and Ohs will be successful. I'm not going to stop until it is.
Exes and Ohs,
Kinsey
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